WTF, GOD!

God, it's me again. Your son, Stevie. You know, the son who YOU ALLOWED TO COMPLETELY FUCK UP LAST WEEK IN OVERTIME AGAINST THE STEELERS. All of the things I do for you and you smite me on this one? I praise you until it hurts my knees and you do me like that? I FUCKING WEAR A CROSS AROUND MY NECK, GOD!

My son...please, calm down. I know you had a rough weekend, you know...relative to your usual weekends, which are kind of awesome compared to those of most people. You know, I was just down in Haiti last week and....



 

Awwww, God, what the fuck, man! MY FUCKING CHECK ENGINE LIGHT JUST WENT ON! God, I just got this Benzo and you know how much I be prayin' to keep the inner-workings of the car all in order! Man, I gotta take this thing into the shop now and I've gotta go out to the club tonight so this is gonna be quite the hassle...how could you do me like that, God?



Stevie...now you are being ridiculous. I don't really deal with the check engine lights on German cars.





 

Come on, God...you know you can take care of that. You created America in like, 7 days, man!




 

Uhhh...Stevie...I did not create America, I just created...






 

Come on, God, don't be modest. We all know you built that shit. OH WHAT THE FUCK, GOD! I just missed this light and there's a homeless dude here. Why you keep doing me like this?

Sir, do you mind sparing some change?



 

Come on, man, can't you see I'm in a time of need myself here? Did you not watch the game this past weekend?




 

Sir, I just want some spare change if you have it...




 

STEVIE! Clearly, this man has it much worse than you! Your behavior, honestly, is quite appalling. You really need to be brought down a level. 





 

Well why don't you help him out then, God? Huh? If you ain't gonna help me, you might as well help this dude. Can't spare some of your change? I don't think he dropped any game-winning TDs on television last week, did he?





 

Why do I even bother...